I didn’t see the point in having a psychiatrist at 13 years old – I mean I was ok, wasn’t I?
As a young girl I was often in trouble, drank to much, found myself addicted to many things I should not have been, and if I could be bothered; I would go to school – but was often then put into isolation or onto report. That was just the way my life was, but at no point did I think I needed therapy, I mean as far as I was concerned I was pretty cool and living the only young life I knew and had been dealt.
I recognise now that my behaviour as a young girl changed rapidly, and it wasn’t long before I was being told I was a failure ~ the girl going nowhere, just a few warning signs of something more sinister.
I left school with just a PE GCSE under my belt and a juvenile delinquent badge slapped on my back. Most people thought I would be in prison or dead by the time I was 20(!), great start to my young adult life – but I didn’t care because I was ok, I’ve got this and would be ok.
I was 23 years old when I rang a ‘therapist’ for the first time and booked 12 sessions – convinced I would be ‘fixed’ in 8(!) maybe less. I definitely thought I would sail through these sessions and didn’t tell anyone, because I thought people would think I wasn’t able to cope, would suggest I was weak, unable and dysfunctional all the things I worked hard to show the world I wasn’t – or had I?
I choose a therapist miles away from where I lived so no-one would see me and I wouldn’t bump into her!
My first session was tough. I cried for about an hour, the second time I cried for 45 minutes and the 3rd time around 30 minutes and the in-between times were draining, often triggering…but 30+ years later I no longer cry I embrace every person who has helped me, listened, supported me, shared insights and meanings and encouraged me. I no longer think therapy is a sign of weakness or that I am unable to cope or that I am dysfunctional, in-fact quite the opposite.
Therapy has been my biggest opportunity in life, and I can’t recommend it enough.
I now check in with different therapists anytime I feel the need to chat, find new ways of thinking, coping or to work with energy systems to feel my way through. I have had an A-Z of therapy over the years and have loved every single therapist that has stood with me in my fight to become the girl I needed to be, and not the failure, the girl going nowhere.
So, before you close the door on therapy, ask yourself why?
I have found utter strength in it…